Funeral Instructions Example, With Who Carries Them Out

A sample funeral instructions sheet usually covers music, flowers, and readings. This one adds the line under each wish that a family would normally fill in without thinking: who does it. It pairs with the funeral planning checklist and our other end-of-life guides.

A filled-in example you can copy

This sample belongs to Dana, a fictional 63-year-old who lives alone in Columbus, Ohio. Swap in your own names and places.

Agent: Ruth Alvarez, a friend from my choir. I named her in an Ohio written declaration, signed before a notary. She has a copy and has said yes. Her phone and email are on the back of this sheet.

Backup agent: The professional executor named in my will acts if Ruth can't act within 48 hours. Their office has a copy.

Funeral provider: The provider's name, my contract number, and its after-hours phone number. I haven't prepaid.

Method: Whole-body donation to the medical school program I registered with. My donor number is on the back.

Backup method: Direct cremation (cremation with no viewing or service first) with the provider above. Use it if the program declines me.

Ceremony: None required. If Ruth wants to host a gathering at the choir hall, I'd like that. No money is set aside for it.

Obituary: A short online notice, no photo. Ruth writes it from the facts sheet attached.

Ashes: Ruth receives them. Her name goes on the cremation authorization as the person who receives the ashes.

Money: A payable-on-death account at my credit union, with Ruth as beneficiary. It holds enough to cover the provider's cremation quote.

Who checks on me: I text Ruth by 10 a.m. every day. If I miss it, she calls me. If I don't answer, she calls Sam, my neighbor two doors down, who has a key.

Home and pets: Sam has my spare key. My cat's food, vet, and care notes are taped inside the pantry door.

Where the papers are: The originals are in a fireproof box in the hall closet. Ruth, my backup agent, and the funeral provider each have copies.

Copy this into the free final wishes planner and fill in your own lines.

Who carries out your instructions

Being someone's emergency contact doesn't give a friend any authority over your body. Funeral homes follow the state's priority list. Relatives you haven't seen in years can rank above the friend who's on your fridge.

Name your agent and a willing backup. Use the document your state recognizes. Ask each of them before you write their name down.

Asking feels like a big favor. It's smaller than it sounds: answer the phone, make a few calls, sign a form. Here's what an agent does, with words you can use to ask.

Your agent has to move fast. Ohio gives the person with the right 48 hours after being told. Georgia gives 2 days, and Michigan gives 72 hours after death. Miss the window and the right passes to the next person on the list. A designated funeral representative in Michigan who refuses to act within 48 hours of notice loses the role.

How much your written wishes count where you live

I'd sign your state's own form, where one exists, before writing a single wish. The form decides who acts, and the person who acts decides everything else.

Rules change, and your state may not be on this list. An estates lawyer can confirm which document works where you live.

Who pays, and from which account

You can plan without prepaying. The Funeral Consumers Alliance suggests a payable-on-death account instead of a prepaid plan for most people. It also advises against naming a funeral director as the beneficiary.

I wouldn't prepay a funeral home only to feel handled. The money job is getting cash to your agent quickly, and a payable-on-death account does that. Our payable on death form worksheet covers what your bank will ask for. An elder law attorney can check whether prepaying makes sense for you, for example if Medicaid rules come into it.

Whoever signs the funeral contract is responsible for paying it. In Ohio and Michigan, the person who controls the funeral is liable for its cost. In Pennsylvania, Georgia, and North Carolina, funeral costs are a priority claim on the estate.

Don't count on Social Security's $255 lump-sum death payment. It goes only to an eligible spouse or certain children.

If you already have a prepaid contract, put the contract number and the provider's after-hours phone number on your sheet. A contract nobody knows about doesn't help. More on choosing a provider in pre-planning.

Who finds you, and what they do first

If you die at home and nobody knows, every other plan waits. UC Davis's body donation program, for example, wants to be notified within 24 hours and may decline deaths reported after 48. Some programs allow longer.

1. Set up a daily check-in. A free check-in app works, or a daily text with a friend.
2. Name a primary and a backup responder. Write both on the sheet.
3. Agree on what counts as a missed check-in. "No text by 10 a.m., and no answer to one call" is clear enough.
4. Arrange legal access to your home and a plan for pets. A neighbor with a key, plus written permission to go in.
5. Write the donation program's phone number and its time limit on the sheet. Put them where your responder will see them first.

No app guarantees you'll be found quickly. It tells a person, and the person acts. Pick someone who answers their phone.

What happens to your ashes

The person who signs the cremation authorization controls the ashes. If nobody claims them, the provider can dispose of them after a waiting period. In Ohio that's 60 days. In Georgia it's 60 days plus a 30-day notice, in North Carolina 30 days after written notice, and in Michigan 6 months.

1. A named friend agrees to receive them

   This ranks first because a person you trust decides on the day. Their name goes on the cremation authorization. Ask them first, and say what you'd like done.

2. A cemetery niche or plot you buy ahead

   This ranks second because it doesn't depend on a friend being available later. Someone still has to deliver the ashes, so name who does.

3. Burial or scattering you arrange and pay for now

   This ranks third. It depends least on anyone volunteering, but you lose the flexibility of a person who can adjust the plan.

I'd put a named friend first and buy a niche or scattering service as the backup. More on naming a friend for your ashes.

The obituary, and who tells people

• Do you want an obituary at all? Write yes or no.
• Who writes it, and who places it. You can draft it now with an obituary template.
• A separate list of friends to tell, with how to reach each one and any privacy wishes.
• Who confirms the death was reported to Social Security, and who orders death certificates. See how to register the death.

Don't rely on a public obituary being seen. Friends from the choir, the dog park, or an old job may never read one. A named person with a list does the job better. Our what to do when someone dies checklist gives that person the rest of the steps in order.

"No ceremony" still means a lawful disposition and paperwork. If you'd like a gathering, see what a memorial service costs and who can host.

Where to keep your instructions so they're read in time

Keep this sheet outside your will and outside a safe-deposit box. Give copies to your agent, your backup, and your chosen funeral provider.

Keep passwords and lists of valuables off this sheet. It will be handled by several people.

Review it after a move, a change of provider, or a change in who your helpers are. Funeral instructions are one piece. Each job beyond the funeral has its own document, and each job is covered here.

In Canada

Ontario and British Columbia put the executor named in your will first. A friend counts if you name them. Ontario's default list after the executor runs to spouse, adult children, and parents, with no place for a friend.

In Ontario, a letter of wishes is advice. Your executor can even change a prepaid plan after you die, so talk your wishes through with them.

In BC, written wishes in a will or preneed contract are binding within the conditions the law sets. Providers there may dispose of unclaimed ashes after one year, two newspaper notices, and a 30-day wait.

Quebec and the other provinces have their own rules. An estates lawyer can confirm yours, or a notary in Quebec.

What to set up next

• What an agent does: how to ask a friend to do the job your instructions name.
• Pre-planning: choose the funeral home and method without paying ahead.
• Your ashes: how to name a friend to receive them.