Pre-Planning Your Own Funeral: Who Will Know, and Who Acts

Pre-planning is usually sold as a way to spare your family the decisions. With no family, the plan has a bigger job. It's the only record of what you want, so it has to say who acts and how the funeral home finds out. Everything else in end of life planning rests on those two answers.

Who will act on your plan: name them first

A funeral home needs someone with legal authority to sign. Without that person, your plan is a piece of paper.

Most states fill that role from a default list, and the list starts with relatives. No spouse or kids doesn't mean no next of kin. A sibling, a parent, or a cousin you haven't spoken to in years can outrank the friend you'd trust. In New York, a close friend appears on the default list, but only after relatives who aren't available or willing. That's the system failing people on their own, and paperwork is the fix.

• California: Name your person as the agent in a health care power of attorney. That agent comes first in California's Health and Safety Code section 7100, which sets the order. A general financial power of attorney isn't the right document.
• New York: Use the written appointment of an agent to control disposition of remains. The form and signing rules are in New York's Public Health Law section 4201. It needs two adult witnesses and no notary. The law also lets you name a successor agent.
• Other states: The document and its name vary. The Funeral Consumers Alliance keeps a state-by-state list of designated-agent laws. An estate lawyer in your state can confirm which form applies to you.

Who to ask: a friend, a neighbor, a coworker, or a paid professional such as an estate lawyer or trust company. Asking feels like a big favor. It's smaller than it sounds: you're asking them to take one phone call, call the funeral home, and sign the papers. Get a clear yes, then name a backup in case your first choice can't do it. More on the role in our guide to choosing a funeral agent.

I'd name the person before choosing a casket or an urn. A plan nobody is authorized to carry out is a wish list.

How to record a plan with a funeral home without paying

You can shop and file a plan without spending a dollar. The Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule is on your side here.

1. Call two or three funeral homes and ask prices by phone. They must answer price questions over the phone. You don't have to give your name or come in.
2. Ask for the itemized General Price List. Providers must offer items one by one, not only packages.
3. Ask them to keep your plan on file with no payment. If one won't, call the next.
4. Get the file number and the after-hours phone line in writing.
5. Give them your agent's and backup's names and phone numbers. Ask them to note both in your file.

A funeral director can tell you exactly what they'll do for a plan that isn't paid for yet.

How the funeral home learns you died

Nobody tells the funeral home automatically. A hospital, a coroner, or a landlord doesn't know your plan exists unless someone tells them.

So make the chain plain. Whoever learns you died calls your agent. Your agent calls the funeral home's after-hours line. Write that chain at the top of your plan, in those words.

Your agent will need these details to make that call:

• The funeral home's full legal name, not the sign out front.
• Your file or contract number.
• The bank, trustee, or insurer holding any money for the plan.

Ask your agent to confirm in writing, a text or email is fine, that they've read the plan and accept the job.

Where to keep your plan so it's found before the funeral

A plan locked away where nobody can reach it in time doesn't help. Spread the copies.

• A copy with your agent.
• A copy with your backup.
• A copy in your file at the funeral home.
• A copy with your doctor or care provider, if you have regular care.
• One copy at home, somewhere a responder will see it, such as on the fridge or by the front door.
• Not only in a safe-deposit box. Someone may not be able to open it until after the funeral.
• Not only in your will. The person handling your will may not read it until arrangements are already made.
• Review the plan after a move, a change of funeral home, or if your agent can no longer do it.

The final wishes planner gives you a sheet to fill in and print.

What to write in the plan

Keep it short enough to read over the phone. Our the full checklist has every item; these are the ones that matter most when nobody can guess what you'd want.

• Your choice: burial, cremation, or body donation. Add a backup in case the first choice is refused or isn't possible.
• Ceremony or none. No ceremony still means someone signs for a lawful burial or cremation and the paperwork.
• Where your ashes go and who receives them, or a cemetery or scattering service that doesn't depend on someone volunteering later.
• Who to notify, with phone numbers.
• Your pets and how to get into your home. Keep this apart from passwords and account numbers.

For a filled-in example you can copy, see funeral instructions.

How to set money aside without prepaying

Your agent shouldn't have to pay out of pocket, then wait months for the estate to repay them. A payable-on-death account solves that. Name your agent as the beneficiary, and they can pay the funeral home without waiting for the estate.

The Funeral Consumers Alliance advises planning without prepaying, except where a Medicaid spend-down applies. It does not recommend naming a funeral director as the beneficiary. I'd open the payable-on-death account first and prepay only for a specific reason like that one. A benefits planner or elder law attorney can confirm whether a spend-down applies to you.

If you prepay anyway, your state's law decides how safe the money is. Here's what we found in six states.

Ohio also gives you seven days to cancel any new plan. For the details of getting money back, see how to cancel a prepaid plan.

In Canada

Ontario's guidance on pre-planning says you can record a plan without prepaying. The same page warns that your legal representative can change your plan after you die. In Ontario, written funeral wishes aren't binding, so the person you name as executor (estate trustee) in your will matters more than the wording of the plan. Pick someone who will follow it, and tell them which funeral home has your file.

British Columbia is different. Wishes written in a will or a preneed contract bind your executor, within limits set by the province's Cremation, Interment and Funeral Services Act.

Prepaying without naming anyone doesn't solve the problem in any province. The funeral home still needs someone to call it. Rules differ in Quebec and elsewhere, so confirm your plan with an estate lawyer, or a notary in Quebec.

What to set up next

• Funeral agent: the person who carries out your plan, and how to ask them.
• Funeral instructions: a filled-in plan you can copy and adapt.
• Prepaid funeral plans: if you decide to pay ahead, who tells the funeral home you died.